Saturday, October 30, 2010
10/30/10
@#@$$#$#$$%%% ^^&&^%^&&** &**(&**((&&^^%%$%^&&&**. I am so POed. I appearently have, from talking to my PCP, bradycardia-tachycardia syndrome which is here the heart is beating too fast and too slow and prematurely. So it is beating before it is suppost to. I am collapsing more and more. I am losing muscle strenght more and more. I am also, having problems with my eyes now that if I read my eyes start to quiver. I am not doing too well and it is making me so mad. I am sorry for all the cussing but I just needed to get it out. I am so mad that I can not get out there and be like my mother was.With her polio and her problems, she still too us trick or treating and to the zoo and so on. I can't even take them outside to play. I am hating this cuz it is continuouly getting worse, and I might need to see about a wheel chair.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
10/17/10
Well, I am hattin this. Damn it!!!!! So, 2 weeks ago, I had a really bad stomach flu that changed my whole body. This is not funny. Now I am getting extream nerve pain in my legs and arms that feel like fire. I am having bad twitching and pressure in my right eye. I get the trimmers if I stand up and do dishes, laundry, so on. If I am talking then I go blank. and lose my ability to sound like a real person, not a retarded person. This term is used because I get this feeling under my tounge, like someone has stuck fingers under my tounge and holding down my jaw. So I am unable to sound like a normal person. I am felling like my heart has the jitters. I think it is kinda like when someone says they have had too much caffeen. I only drink one to two pepsi's a day. My fingernails are horrible looking, had to cut them all off and my skin is beyond dry. The diarea has not stopped and I am unable to eat much, so I am becomeing malnurished. I am going to do the Stress test on the tread mill on Thursday. My muscles are giving out on me left and right, so I hope I can do the hole test and see how far I can push myself before my body collapses or pass out. So wish me luck.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Well,
Well, now that my body has changed, after a bad stomach flu, I now have to change my pain meds. The pain meds I was taking no longer work. The pain has changed and moved to different locations and settled in hard in my right foot. I am still so dizzy that I am not sure what to do. Life outside of the dys is a little less hard so I am not as stressed out as I was, making a big difference. I am starting to get really antsy. I want to get up and dance, play my wii, ps2, do all of my horror video games, exercise, take my kids to the zoo, and I want to take them tricker treating. I am having a stress test done next Thursday, so I can see how much I can push. I know that the last time I tried to push myself outside, we went to the zoo. I used my walker, instead of a scooter, and almost collapsed from trying to walk up the hills. I do have a 3 year old that wants me to chase him and I almost collapse if he is does this to me. Right now, my heart is packing up and trying to leave my chest. I just don't know what to do with it.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
9/30/10
Well, I guess I am gonna have to go up on my Lyrica. I barely brush my little toe, on my right foot, against a chair and the pain starts at the tip of the toe and moves up the leg. Then up the rest of the body causing my leg and arm to swell. It feels like what my mom described when she had cellulitis. I hate it when my nerves just have a mind of their own instead of minding my mind.
My digestive system is paying me back also, too much red pepper. I have to consume it because if I don't it causes actual blisters and it possibly cause me to have a deathly reaction. I feel like my intestines have been rubbed raw. I am sick to my stomach and the only thing that makes me feel better is eating Wheatables and ice cream.
I am trying to write down everything as a journal, and I know that it is all jumbled up but that is how my brain works. I never have been good at reading, and I am really bad about keeping the passion alive on projects. I don't know, I just feel so bad right now that I just am even having trouble consentrating on not throwing up.
My digestive system is paying me back also, too much red pepper. I have to consume it because if I don't it causes actual blisters and it possibly cause me to have a deathly reaction. I feel like my intestines have been rubbed raw. I am sick to my stomach and the only thing that makes me feel better is eating Wheatables and ice cream.
I am trying to write down everything as a journal, and I know that it is all jumbled up but that is how my brain works. I never have been good at reading, and I am really bad about keeping the passion alive on projects. I don't know, I just feel so bad right now that I just am even having trouble consentrating on not throwing up.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
9/28/10
Today, I had extreme muscle weakness. I felt like I had weights hanging from my muscles. Mu neck and jaw was extremely heavy. I felt like I had concrete for bones, and I had something tied around my neck causing lack of blood flow to my head. I have been having cramps around the artery on the right side of my neck and a headache, on and off. My right eye has felt like the lens is flipping, not wearing contacts, which I have actually had the lens fold up in my eye, can't remember which one though. I have been having problems with breathing, not asthma, but just tiredness. I am really tired and cranky. My digestive system is being way way to loud. I feel like I am playing the tuba. My intestine is swelling and unswelling. My right foot is still so sensitive that it feels like it is being broke if I touch anything. The nerves are irritated so bad, it makes me scream. I am unable to eat because of being so sick to my stomach. I do not throw up but I have gotten so close to it.
Today is not a horrible day, just not a good one. My balance is off, my blood pressure is way too high, and I am having really bad duh momments.
I have been working on my son's baby quilt and it is almost done. I have only been working on it since 2007. It is printed cross stitch, so it is not that hard to do. There is no needle work that has to be done besides that. I try to work through my hands going completely numb when I hold a needle, and the pain in my neck. After his is done, then I have to get to work on Arianna's. Her's does not have as much work to be done on it, and I also have an ABC thing that is half done. That one requires alot more detailed work. I am also, going to do my best to make my kids costumes this year. I want to have their blankets finished and the ABC framed for christmas. I know that I am asking alot for me, but I want to do these things.
I also, have to start weeding out all of the stuff that we have collected through the years and get those things ready for a yard sell. We are planning on moving back home so I can have help with raising these children and giving them a full and rich life. I am so disappointed in the mother I have become, and I am doing everything I can think of to change it. I can not see any specialist, due to money because they require travel, time away from home, my husband has no time off of work, I have physical problems with flying, and no one can help me.
When I fly, this has happened every time, even before the first pregnancy, I had to take my shoes off and completely unlace them. My feet hurt so bad from the swelling, that I wanted to cut them off. My arms became swollen and numb, I became sick to the point of holding the bag, I would have trouble breathing (high alt), and tunnel vision. I almost become violent with my body, how to explain, my nerves cause so much pain that I could peal my skin off with a paring knife, cut my legs and arms off, beat myself into unconsciousness. That is just how I feel, not with anyone else just me. Of course, when I get off the plane, I am disoriented and unbalanced. I feel so drugged up that I don't make a whole lot of sense and then I sleep, too sound, and it takes a couple of days to recoup. So flying for me is an emergency situation. And since my diagnosis, I will probably have to try to get some type of oxygen thing to carry on the plane to wear. I am getting tired and need to get sleep. Later gater.
Today is not a horrible day, just not a good one. My balance is off, my blood pressure is way too high, and I am having really bad duh momments.
I have been working on my son's baby quilt and it is almost done. I have only been working on it since 2007. It is printed cross stitch, so it is not that hard to do. There is no needle work that has to be done besides that. I try to work through my hands going completely numb when I hold a needle, and the pain in my neck. After his is done, then I have to get to work on Arianna's. Her's does not have as much work to be done on it, and I also have an ABC thing that is half done. That one requires alot more detailed work. I am also, going to do my best to make my kids costumes this year. I want to have their blankets finished and the ABC framed for christmas. I know that I am asking alot for me, but I want to do these things.
I also, have to start weeding out all of the stuff that we have collected through the years and get those things ready for a yard sell. We are planning on moving back home so I can have help with raising these children and giving them a full and rich life. I am so disappointed in the mother I have become, and I am doing everything I can think of to change it. I can not see any specialist, due to money because they require travel, time away from home, my husband has no time off of work, I have physical problems with flying, and no one can help me.
When I fly, this has happened every time, even before the first pregnancy, I had to take my shoes off and completely unlace them. My feet hurt so bad from the swelling, that I wanted to cut them off. My arms became swollen and numb, I became sick to the point of holding the bag, I would have trouble breathing (high alt), and tunnel vision. I almost become violent with my body, how to explain, my nerves cause so much pain that I could peal my skin off with a paring knife, cut my legs and arms off, beat myself into unconsciousness. That is just how I feel, not with anyone else just me. Of course, when I get off the plane, I am disoriented and unbalanced. I feel so drugged up that I don't make a whole lot of sense and then I sleep, too sound, and it takes a couple of days to recoup. So flying for me is an emergency situation. And since my diagnosis, I will probably have to try to get some type of oxygen thing to carry on the plane to wear. I am getting tired and need to get sleep. Later gater.
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