10/30/10

@#@$$#$#$$%%% ^^&&^%^&&** &**(&**((&&^^%%$%^&&&**. I am so POed. I appearently have, from talking to my PCP, bradycardia-tachycardia syndrome which is here the heart is beating too fast and too slow and prematurely. So it is beating before it is suppost to. I am collapsing more and more. I am losing muscle strenght more and more. I am also, having problems with my eyes now that if I read my eyes start to quiver. I am not doing too well and it is making me so mad. I am sorry for all the cussing but I just needed to get it out. I am so mad that I can not get out there and be like my mother was.With her polio and her problems, she still too us trick or treating and to the zoo and so on. I can't even take them outside to play. I am hating this cuz it is continuouly getting worse, and I might need to see about a wheel chair. 

10/17/10

Well, I am hattin this. Damn it!!!!! So, 2 weeks ago, I had a really bad stomach flu that changed my whole body. This is not funny. Now I am getting extream nerve pain in my legs and arms that feel like fire. I am having bad twitching and pressure in my right eye. I get the trimmers if I stand up and do dishes, laundry, so on. If I am talking then I go blank. and lose my ability to sound like a real person, not a retarded person. This term is used because I get this feeling under my tounge, like someone has stuck fingers under my tounge and holding down my jaw. So I am unable to sound like a normal person. I am felling like my heart has the jitters. I think it is kinda like when someone says they have had too much caffeen. I only drink one to two pepsi's a day. My fingernails are horrible looking, had to cut them all off and my skin is beyond dry. The diarea has not stopped and I am unable to eat much, so I am becomeing malnurished. I am going to do the Stress test on the tread mill on Thursday. My muscles are giving out on me left and right, so I hope I can do the hole test and see how far I can push myself before my body collapses or pass out. So wish me luck.

Well,

Well, now that my body has changed, after a bad stomach flu, I now have to change my pain meds. The pain meds I was taking no longer work. The pain has changed and moved to different locations and settled in hard in my right foot. I am still so dizzy that I am not sure what to do. Life outside of the dys is a little less hard so I am not as stressed out as I was, making a big difference. I am starting to get really antsy. I want to get up and dance, play my wii, ps2, do all of my horror video games, exercise, take my kids to the zoo, and I want to take them tricker treating. I am having a stress test done next Thursday, so I can see how much I can push. I know that the last time I tried to push myself outside, we went to the zoo. I used my walker, instead of a scooter, and almost collapsed from trying to walk up the hills. I do have a 3 year old that wants me to chase him and I almost collapse if he is does this to me. Right now, my heart is packing up and trying to leave my chest. I just don't know what to do with it.